Imaginary Me
In my imagination
I am Henry Chinaski
fighting for the sake of fighting
testosterone and adrenaline.
I am George Bailey
in a Great Depression bank run
sacrificing honeymoon money
just enough to please everyone.
I am Henry David Thoreau
content in the woods
facing adversity alone
no one for my self to rely on.
I am John Rambo
with a 240B on Route Irish
mowing down insurgents
saving Rob from an ambush.
I am Don Giovanni
seducing for pleasure
forgetting names and faces
unattached to their dreams.
With my eyes open
I feel scared,
I am not enough,
I need help,
I didn’t save him,
I remember names. (Lake, Lanet, Larke, Lesley, Libby, Lisa)
Imaginary me
a fantastical shelter
of what could have been
makes reality bearable.
Replayed potential
within my flawed myth
provides a hopeful glimmer
what I still might be.
Detached from consequence
messianic individualism
presents a powerful allure
one I try to avoid, when awake.
Unrealized damage
precluded by elusion
of masculine expectations
reassures I could’ve done worse.
The real me discerns
value in other's concerns
and is willing to be weak
at least, until I close my eyes.
Matt Duffy is a teacher in Pajaro Valley.
In my imagination
I am Henry Chinaski
fighting for the sake of fighting
testosterone and adrenaline.
I am George Bailey
in a Great Depression bank run
sacrificing honeymoon money
just enough to please everyone.
I am Henry David Thoreau
content in the woods
facing adversity alone
no one for my self to rely on.
I am John Rambo
with a 240B on Route Irish
mowing down insurgents
saving Rob from an ambush.
I am Don Giovanni
seducing for pleasure
forgetting names and faces
unattached to their dreams.
With my eyes open
I feel scared,
I am not enough,
I need help,
I didn’t save him,
I remember names. (Lake, Lanet, Larke, Lesley, Libby, Lisa)
Imaginary me
a fantastical shelter
of what could have been
makes reality bearable.
Replayed potential
within my flawed myth
provides a hopeful glimmer
what I still might be.
Detached from consequence
messianic individualism
presents a powerful allure
one I try to avoid, when awake.
Unrealized damage
precluded by elusion
of masculine expectations
reassures I could’ve done worse.
The real me discerns
value in other's concerns
and is willing to be weak
at least, until I close my eyes.
Matt Duffy is a teacher in Pajaro Valley.
